Weddings are among the most significant events in our lives. They’re often filled with traditions and rituals that carry great meaning for the couple and their families. Increasingly, we are a multicultural world, and love is being found and celebrated across borders. Including cultural elements from both groom and bride can be a great way to carry the creativity and openness of a multicultural relationship through to the big day itself.
The third largest emigrant population in the world is those of Chinese heritage. With that in mind, this article will introduce some Chinese wedding traditions and give ideas of how they can be adapted to fit into a Western wedding.
Selecting an Auspicious Date
The first step to a successful Chinese wedding (and a successful marriage) is selecting a date that will bring good fortune. In Chinese culture, this can be approached from the perspective of numerology or the Chinese Zodiac. Often, both are considered.
To start with, couples should not marry on a year that clashes with their Zodiac animal. If you were born in the year of the Tiger, Rabbit, Snake, Sheep, or Pig, for example, 2025 (snake) would be a bad year for you. 2026 (horse), however, would be a great year for most of these zodiac signs.
The 7th month of the lunar calendar is the ghost month, and should be avoided, especially on the 15th day, which is the Ghost Festival. If following Chinese wedding traditions, one should also avoid Tomb Sweeping Day (April 4th – 6th), Double Third Festival (Lunar 3rd March), and the 4th of any month. Lucky dates include anything with an 8 (for prosperity), 6 (for a smooth marriage), and 9 (for long-lasting love).
Observing all these date restrictions may be too cumbersome for couples looking to get married in the west. After all, you already have to balance the availability of venues and key guests. Instead of carefully following all these practices, it might be better to decide which matter to you most. Failing that, you could hire a consultant to help you decide.
Hair Combing Ceremony
The hair-combing ceremony is an ancient Chinese wedding tradition symbolising the transition from youth to adulthood and readiness for marriage. Though it started as a coming-of-age ritual, it has evolved into a wedding custom typically performed the night before or morning of the wedding. The purpose of the ceremony is to grant happiness, harmony, and prosperity to the couple and their descendants.
The central act involves a parent or ‘person of good fortune’ combing the bride or groom’s hair, reciting a blessing with each stroke. Common varieties include 4 or 10 strokes with corresponding blessings.
This tradition can easily be incorporated into the pre-wedding preparations of a western wedding. The ritual could be performed on the morning of the wedding or as part of the bridal shower. This is also a great opportunity for an intimate moment with parents or loved ones, or a unique photograph for your wedding album
Door Games (Chuángmén)
Chinese wedding door games, also known as Chuangmen or Gatecrashing, are a vibrant part of Chinese wedding traditions where the groom and his groomsmen must overcome a series of playful challenges set by the bridesmaids. The idea is that the groom will demonstrate his love and determination before “fetching” the bride.
Typically held on the wedding morning at the bride’s home, common games involve several types of challenges. Negotiation often takes the form of offering red envelopes (hongbao) filled with money to pass tasks. Tests of knowledge require answering trivia about the bride or their relationship. Physical challenges might include performing tasks like push-ups or enduring minor discomforts such as leg waxing. Finally, performances like singing love songs, composing poems, or performing silly dances are often included.
The spirit of this tradition can quite easily be captured and integrated into a Western wedding. It’s all about interactive fun, teamwork, and celebrating the custom. Rather than doing door games during the morning of the wedding, they could be better integrated into the reception of a western wedding; this way, other preparations aren’t disrupted.
Trivia questions, physical challenges, and lawn games could be a great way to make the reception fun and interactive. Performance elements may involve creative tasks such as writing humorous songs or limericks about the couple.
Chinese Tea Ceremony
The Chinese wedding tea ceremony is a significant and cherished part of Chinese wedding traditions, symbolizing the union of two families and providing an opportunity for the couple to express gratitude and respect to their elders.
During the ceremony, the couple presents tea, often sweetened or brewed with auspicious ingredients like red dates or lotus seeds to symbolize a sweet and fruitful marriage. In return, elders offer blessings and acceptance, typically accompanied by gifts such as red envelopes (hongbao) containing money or gold jewelry. The bride often wears a traditional red dress (qipao or cheongsam) for this ceremony.
Adapting this ceremony for a wedding in the west involves thoughtful integration into the day’s schedule and consideration for a multicultural audience. While traditionally held separately at family homes in the morning, many couples in western countries opt for a combined ceremony at the wedding venue to simplify logistics and timing. Suitable times include before the main Western ceremony, during the cocktail hour (allowing guests to mingle while the ceremony occurs with family), or even as part of the reception.
Fetching the Bride
The Chinese “Fetching the Bride” ceremony (接亲 – jiē qīn) marks the groom formally collecting his bride. The groom leads a procession with groomsmen, which is traditionally noisy with firecrackers to ward off negativity. Modern versions often use decorated cars and music instead to minimise disruption. Sometimes a child leads, symbolizing hopes for future sons.
Upon arrival, the groom offers a red envelope and receives two lucky mandarin oranges, which act as a formal welcome. The groom’s party also presents symbolic gifts like food or wine, showing respect and wishing prosperity.
Before leaving home, the bride and groom bow to her parents to express gratitude. A red umbrella is used to shelter the bride as she walks to the car, often held by her father to protect and honor her. Rice or beans can be scattered for luck, and the bride often throws a red fan from the car, symbolizing leaving her past.
Some of these ideas are not compatible with Western wedding traditions, because the groom is not supposed to see the bride until she walks down the aisle. Rather than the groom and groomsmen collecting the bride, you could focus on the parts performed by the bride’s family, like the red umbrella and tossing of beans or rice. Fan throwing can be replaced with a bouquet or confetti after the ceremony, and soft music can be played as the bride walks down the aisle
Chinese Wedding Clothing
Chinese weddings are often complemented by different traditional garbs that demonstrate culture and elegance. Core among these is the qipao or cheongsam – a form-fitting dress with a high collar. Traditionally, the dress is red with gold accents, but in modern times, China has adopted some Western traditions, and a white gown is often worn for the ceremony itself. At the reception, the bride may then change into a red qipao.
Traditional Chinese clothing for the groom is a Tang suit, also with a high mandarin collar. These can be shorter, like a western suit jacket, or knee-length. Here, red and gold is also traditional, but other colors are not uncommon.
For a Western ceremony, it’s popular to blend the two styles, with the bride wearing a white qipao wedding dress with delicate lace elements. The groom may choose to wear a tang suit jacket with pants in white, black, or grey.
Closing words
Bringing Chinese wedding traditions into a Western celebration is a beautiful way to honor cultural heritage, show respect to family, and make your wedding unique. Whether it’s selecting a lucky date, sharing a quiet moment during the hair-combing ceremony, playing door games with your bridal party, or serving tea to your elders, these customs add a personal touch to your big day. It may not be practical or necessary to include every element, but the thoughtful choice and adaptation of those that resonate with you can help both parties feel welcome. Weddings are about connection, love, and celebration, and there is no better way to express that than by blending traditions that reflect who you are.
